If you’re ready to feel more confident expressing yourself in relationships, Makin Wellness offers specialized online therapy to help you understand conflict avoidance. “Avoiding conflict can compromise our resilience, mental health, and productivity in the long term,” writes Andrew Reiner for NBC News. By contrast, one study of over 2,000 people aged 33 to 84 found that those who intentionally resolved daily conflicts how to deal with someone who avoids conflict reported that their stress diminished.
Leaving conflicts unresolved leads to pent-up frustration and a greater sense of loneliness that can build up over time. While avoidance sometimes seems like the best way to deal with conflict, in the long run it ends up harming our intimacy. Laughing nervously or plastering a fake smile on our face instead of acknowledging distressing emotions can also lead to feelings of loneliness and depression. You prefer to be seen as the “nice person” at work, for example, or may shy away heroin addiction from open, healthy conflict so as not to rock the boat. People who respond to conflict this way often expect negative outcomes and find it difficult to trust the other person’s reaction. Conflict avoidance is a type of people-pleasing behavior that typically arises from a deep rooted fear of upsetting others.
I’m naturally inclined to avoid conflict until it begins to spill out of me and into my relationships; this usually manifests itself through grumpiness, the silent treatment, and rude comments. Some conflict-avoidant people experience anxiety just engaging in disagreements. Give your spouse the opportunity to mentally address their anxiety, get their thoughts together, and enter the conversation with a more relaxed mindset. But instead of blaming your partner, focus on your feelings and the actual conflict at hand. You don’t want to harm someone you care about with character judgments.
Instead of trying to read your partner’s mind, be open to a discussion. You may even learn that your partner is on the same page as you. Viewing conflict in a task-oriented light rather than as an emotional experience can relieve some of the pressure and alleviate fears. Avoiding conflict usually means you have some underlying fear. It may be fear of losing your significant other, fear of expressing anger, or fear of being negatively judged. Once you acknowledge them, they’ll have less power over you.
Instead of arguing or fighting, they pretend everything is okay to keep the peace. Noah Williams is a passionate writer focusing on matters of the heart and mind. He emphasizes the importance of honesty, communication, and self-love for relationships. Cassandra Sierra is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Addiction Professional with over 30 years of experience in mental health and addiction recovery. She has served as Director of Mental Health Services in Palm Beach County, FL, and co-founded the Miracles Club, Inc., supporting recovery since 2001.
Learning how to recognize and work through interpersonal conflict in productive, healthy ways is an important skill that can help you have better relationships in your day-to-day life. Though I sometimes justify the behavior, I know it’s not healthy. Building self-confidence and self-esteem is fundamental to overcoming conflict avoidance.
It’s the instinct to sweep issues under the rug, to bite our tongues when we should speak up, or to simply walk away when tensions rise. While it might seem like a peaceful approach on the surface, the reality is far more complex and potentially damaging. In learning how to deal with a conflict-avoidant spouse, you shouldn’t get your hopes up too high that change will happen quickly. After all, your partner may have been avoiding conflict for most of their life, so it can be difficult to change how they feel right away. Understanding the nuances of communication can significantly help in tackling conflict avoidance.
Instead of saying, “You did X,” or “You always Y,” try something like, “I have a hard time when X” or “I feel Y.” This lets you share your own perspective without blaming anyone else. When your conflict becomes a full-blown argument, you’ve likely reached the point of mutual hostility. Hostility can involve personal attacks, shouting, and other types of verbal abuse. This strategy is particularly recommended for addressing conflict with a romantic partner, or anyone else you want to maintain a strong relationship with. When conflict inevitably happens, respectful communication is key. You may not always agree with everyone, and that’s just fine.
While avoiding conflict can seem like an easy way to keep the peace in the short term, it can be a weakness in the long run. When dealing with a conflict-avoidant spouse, it is also important to let them talk to you. Don’t try to force them to say things or express themselves when they are not ready. Sometimes a couple needs to be able to disagree to work through an issue and solve the problem together. When you can’t do this with your mate, it may leave you feeling like things are unfair. A 2021 study points out that communication is a top issue for couples and can make them feel unsatisfied.
The next step is to try out your new skills in a safe environment, get feedback on how you come across, and get coached to improve your leadership effectiveness. Our leadership development resources offer a variety of tools to support you in your journey. Think Fast, Talk Smart is a podcast produced by Stanford Graduate School of Business. Each episode provides concrete, easy-to-implement tools and techniques to help you hone and enhance your communication skills. In the end, the goal isn’t to eliminate conflict from our lives – that would be neither possible nor desirable. Instead, we aim to cultivate the skills, confidence, and resilience to engage with conflict in ways that are productive and aligned with our values.
If someone has faced negative repercussions from previous confrontations, they might decide that avoiding conflict altogether is a safer bet. It’s like walking on eggshells—no one wants to break anything! And let’s be honest, who hasn’t felt the tension in a room when a disagreement pops up? It’s no wonder people would rather keep the peace than risk a fallout. Remember, overcoming conflict avoidance is a journey, not a destination. And hey, if you need a little extra help along the way, there’s no shame in seeking professional guidance.
